Wednesday, April 30, 2008

My Nemesis

This is a step.   A step into the "kiddy" part of the pool. A section in our pool that looks like a spa but isn't. It's a pool for the babies with three little fountains. A Simple step nothing more. However, to me it's a symbol of a fading mind. Something I've worried about since I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 1999.
Last August, I went off work on disability. By the end of the month, I knew getting my insurance company to pay despite two doctors' completing form after form saying I could no longer work, was going to require a miracle. I was stressed and thought sitting in the kiddy pool watching Sabby swim would be a good break. Plus the temperature was well into the 110 degree range and even with A.C. I was feeling hot and miserable. So, I changed into my swim suit and gathered my towel and prepared to "cool off" in water at least 98 degrees (but at least it was wet). I forgot that there is a step into this kiddy pool and stepped into the water, not here where the step is; but over to the side, crashed down 2 feet into water that wasn't nearly deep enough to break my fall.. and voila! Broke my leg at the knee; Was in the hospital for 3 days waited another week; went back into the hospital, had surgery and remained in the hospital then a nursing home for 3 weeks. I was in a wheel chair until just before Christmas when I graduated into crutches or cane. And I whined a lot! I did however eventually start getting disability checks. And I learned an appreciation for the strength of people who face forever in a wheel chair and still smile; who face forever being cared for, not able to even go into the bathroom alone and still laugh; not being able to go to the store without help and still get up everyday; not getting outside unless a loved one can lift the wheel chair out side and still get themselves to a job everyday. It is hard to explain but at once I learned to stop fearing  what MIGHT come with M.S. and to understand what may come. I also learned to more completely appreciate what I CAN do still. 
I still walk funny. 
Pool weather is back and I'm looking at this step again.... Yesterday I did two things; I took a picture of the damn thing and held Paul's hand while I stepped down ONTO THE STEP and waded into the kiddy pool... Yay Betty! When you see a step almost as big as the pool, it ONLY makes sense that you USE this step to get into the water!
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog today.

5 comments:

Sandy said...

Oh dear!! That step is wonderful though to help one get in safely, when you remember it is there.

Sounds like you've had quite a time after that and sure hope that your MS progresses slowly or not at all.

take care, and here today we went down into the 60's, cloudy and windy, after a week of being near 100..

sandy

OvaGirl said...

Hi Betty, thankyou for visiting my blog. I've really enjoyed reading your posts and looking at the pics of your beautiful family!
The MS...yes, the fear of the future. I'm sorry you had that fall and I too hope that things go slowly or preferably not at all. A blog that I discovered recently called Mima's Doings (I think, she often comments on my blog) has been an eye opener to me. Mima has MS at a stage where she needs a carer full time. She's often on pain killers etc. But she is incredibly upbeat and positive about life. I find her very inspiring. Take care.

Mima said...

Thanks for taking the time to visit my blog, I really appreciated your comments.

A small step in the wrong direction!! I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this, but as things happen with the MS, you learn to cope with them. When it first happens it is really difficult to adjust to the new circumstances, but you would be amazed at what becomes normal to you in a very short period of time, and you are still the person that you were before, it is just your interests that have to change!

I think we are all scared of what is to come with MS, we would be mad if we weren't, but life is still rewarding, and friends are still friends, and you can learn to live with the rest (and keep your sense of humour!).

mig bardsley said...

A big step then. In lots of ways.

cat's momma said...

I came to visit you at your blog because I saw that you visited one of my blogs and left a comment, which I thank you for.

I was surprised to learn what some of your story is and also sorry to read that you have MS. Bless you.

That little red-headed granddaughter of yours reminds me of myself when I was young, so I enjoyed seeing the pictures of her and her beautiful red hair.