Wednesday, May 13, 2009

How does the Pantry become such a place of Memories?

The fabulous 4


 Eleven years ago, when my Mom was in the hospital dying, days after burying her husband, before she went into a coma or constant unconscious phase, she sat in her bed with most of her children standing or sitting around her. One irreverent son (RICHARD) said o.k. mom, now tell us... who's your favorite?? I hear she smiled looked around the room and said "I have no favorites, you're all my favorites". I missed that particular moment but seem to have that memory now as though I had been in the room. Like my mom, I have no favorites, and they're all my favorites. Katie has many many times accused me of being a different person when "my other kids are in town".. I've told her that's because they're visiting....
To my point...
All these weeks of knowing Katie was moving, I've been pretty much o.k.,  From a desire to steal my grand daughter and go into hiding with my sister Kathie, to meeting and feeling "O.K." about him, to liking him more and really liking his family and developing a bit of trust and hope that Katie has found the "right guy" I changed my conversation from NO WAY!! to more thoughtful silence and then to ... "I want her to know she can come home" to  Katie, the first year will be hard - Men can become critical ONCE you're together to .. Yeah honey, he's great BUT protecting Sabby is everything... To it won't be so bad to be away from everyone honey.  I think maybe my own mother guided me through these last few months.
 Yesterday, I think it was the pantry or more likely the old container I pulled out to store Sabby's raisin boxes in a more convenient spot for her, that did it, I sat down and cried, and was still crying an hour later in the shower and 30 minutes after that when Katie came home and caught me.   
I'm tearing up as I write this! Katie is moving in a few weeks, her two rooms here are all but packed up. Friday most of her stuff goes up to Tahoe 1,000 miles away, with Adam, the rest to go up with Katie and Sabby the middle of June. I will miss Katie so much and want to thank her, for everything, for being my child of hope who grew up to never give up hope in her life. Who could get that wheelchair out of the car, load me into it and get us to the public restroom at the gas station faster than anyone alive!!!   I'm proud of you and who you are Katie.. Just be CAREFUL.

Ricky's moving back the last weekend of May to California, my child of honesty and argument since he learned to talk. I love you Vegas Baby.

 I am finding myself alone again,  with my best friend, but we're alone, with no need for a special container of raisins within Sabby's reach, so far from the people that have given our life it's joy and hope and laughter.  I am trying to think up ways to ensure Paul and I stay in-love and happy and me sane.. together. Paul loves AZ - has NO desire to back to CA. I finally realize that my kids won't all eventually live here with us and need to find other ways to be who I am in Buckeye, AZ. 
Right now, I need to dry my damn eyes.. I'm REALLY a very unattractive crier!
And get ready to walk Sabby to school!
Later I'm going to Mesa to take pictures of a young couple just engaged. That will be fun.
Thanks for taking the time to read my self pitying blog today.

7 comments:

Jose said...

Crying is good for the soul so don't be afraid to do it. It's hard to let go, trust me I know but kids will find their own way in life. Think of the possitive things in life like the next time that they come to town and visit you. Darn, I'm feeling happy for you already. lol Just trying to cheer you up.

Brenda said...

Well, I felt your pain Betty. My kids and grand daughter are still here but I have always counted my blessings day by day. Life changes and I guess we have to change with it. Just keep yourself busy with your photography and other hobbies and start planning to visit them and have them visit you. I know it is hard though. Your blogger buddies will be there for ya!

Sandy said...

Betty this was a very touching post and all I can say is I feel for you! I am sure you and Paul will somehow make everyday an adventure and might find that with time to yourselves vistas open up you never thought of.

Just giving you a cyber hug here....and if I was there, I'd give you a shoulder to cry on and some support.

Betty Flocken said...

Thanks everyone! I just love my blogging friends.

Kathie Moore said...

And...don't let the facts get in the way, Betty. But I asked Mom who her favorite was...and she I was.

Ok - only part of that was true...

Kathie Moore said...

One more thing, maybe you should take a lover? That will keep you occupied.....? Or no?

I wish I could make it better. I think it's time for some native american donations.....

Julee Marie Photography said...

Don't forget Betty you met Paul and then married him like what 3 months later?
Katie is gonna be ok, don't get all worked up, tell yourself she's gonna be ok!